Let me tell you, non existent reader, how pissy it is not to do what you truly want to do.
Basically it's a fucking pain in the ass and what you need is some more pain administrated by a kick from a foot that you wish could be your own, to make you go in the right direction.
The lack of energy is frustrating and the lack of passion, fire and desire is demoralizing! What you think is needed is not there to push you onto your self made path. Only the cartographer himself can have a single lonely chance of following the map. Unfortunately the to easily accessible and nearly automatic entertainment is there, in your face and straying you from your dreams. They fill the screen so much that they do not only cover what you actually want done but also have a reverse effect on the pot of gold and makes it nearly transparent and dissolves the emotional projection connected to it.
And when your goals fade into lost memories, the draw of the immediate pleasure of the moving images becomes so much stronger!
The worst thing is to wake up in the morning and bow to the pull of the dark side, my own personal vendetta and crack pipe, that to me, are the moving images on my computer screen. As soon as I get close to the entity that holds these drugs, I can feel my passion for life weakening.
It is simply to easy to say: tomorrow I'm going to do this differently.
What I fail to realize is that tomorrow is today and that today was yesterday and yesterday was last week and last week was last year.
In movies and pop culture the trek and adventure of the protagonist is to search for and find the key so that he can open the door. In true life however this is not where the struggle and adventure lies. For the true challenge of life is not to find the key to the door, but to use the key and to open that fucking door. The hard part about change is not to find what needs to change but to commit to the transformation, which is in almost all cases not a  self-sustaining movement. But hard labor that in some cases take years to perfect. Perseverance and discipline is what they call it. Although without passion perseverance is hard to continue, and without desire discipline falls into negation.

As you can see, I have my key. It is filled to the upmost detail with creases, crevasses and mounds. I have the key to my future. I have the answer to the change that is necessary for happiness.
Why can I not muster the strength to use it and to open that door?

Perhaps I will gain that power tomorrow...
Perhaps the door will open today...
Perhaps yesterday will be different...